Word of the Week - Family, Heritage, Legacy

“One generation shall commend your works to another and shall declare your mighty acts.”  —Psalm 145:4

I am returning from a trip to my hometown of Lafayette, LA where I spent the last 3 days enjoying time with family to include my 84-year old dad, my two siblings and their families, and 2 of my 3 daughters along with all 7 of our grandkids (see picture attached).  It was a special time together with 4 generations of our family present.  We did what most good Cajuns do when they get together, we cooked and ate to the “full”.  Of course the menu included boiled crawfish and crabs.  Like my grandpa Lee would say, “we passed a good time” and even told a few Boudreaux jokes.  I was reminded of the blessing of family and how God in His goodness created the institution of family for each of us to belong to.  As we all know, family is a blessing, but it can also be challenging.  The following are some insights and learnings about family, Heritage and Legacy I wanted to share.

Definition and purpose of family: Family is the first institution God created for instilling values for the purpose of preserving culture to impact the world generationally.  As outlined in the verse above, God desires for every person to have a spiritual heritage.  The reality is that God instituted family so we can train and equip our children with godly values so they live to their full God potential and pass godly values on to their children, live multi-generationally. “Train them up in the way he/she should go, And when they are older they will not depart from it” Proverbs 22:6   God imparted into all humans a innate desire to be part of something that will last.  “He has set eternity in the human heart” Ecclesiastes 3:11

Building healthy family communication and identity:  We serve a God of order, peace and continuity.  “For God is not a God of disorder but of peace”. 1 Corinthians 14:33 To understand how to build healthy families we must first become healthier people, especially in our family relationships.   It starts with us as leaders of our families having a personal intimate abiding relationship with Christ, so He can impart His wisdom into our hearts and minds.  We do live in a broken world and without God’s covering in our lives our families will be susceptible to the reality of generational curse with the sins of the fathers flowing down to the next generation.  This is the way of the world and our culture at large.  So how do we break this cycle?  First and foremost, we submit ourselves and our families to God and put our faith and trust in Him.  I believe the Lord is the only one who can set us free from these generational curses. 

Practically I am learning from my wife Amy and my adult children that we should work towards building an environment within our families that allows our family to feel safe enough to communicate wounds and issues.  The things of the past and present that create angst, especially associated with the dysfunction that has been passed down from our families of origin.  Many of these dysfunctions/curses are subconscious blind spots that we can’t even see, which is why we need others to help us.  This includes in-laws and outside advisors like counselors and family coaches who can bring a fresh and less biased perspective.  I believe it is critical to our family’s health to work in identifying wounds and curses of our past that are influencing our thinking, behaviors, and relationships and work to have our minds renewed in God’s truth, His Word, so we can be healed and transformed.  There are times in our journey of life when we need outside advisors both professional (therapist, counselors, coaches) and non-professional (friends, family, pastors etc.) to help us navigate through this process. 

Family values, vision and purpose:  I believe family identity is key to building a godly family Heritage.  Our families must have a strong understanding of who we are and what makes us the Donner’s or Smiths etc.  Family values define the moral and ethical principles of behavior for a family.  Values are passed down from one generation to the next and this is the most important Heritage we can give our kids and descendants.  Many of our values are apparent from our families of origin, but some need to be discovered and can often times be revealed as we think about our past and some of the defining stories/events in our lives.  Our family went through a values exercise about 8-9 years ago and since then we have taken time out, from time to time, to talk about our values and assess how we are living out these values.  Asking questions to determine if we are intentionally sharing and communicating these values with our kids and grandkids. Our families stated values include: Faith, Family/Heritage, Perseverance, Health and Generosity. 

Legacy - Adult Children and the next Generation:  One of the main things I have learned is that we need to be careful in our efforts to share our Vision, Mission and Values that we don’t impose them on our married adult children and their families but should use the process to help them develop their own family vision, mission and values.  If we have done a good job of communicating and living out our values, they will be reflected in the values of our children and grandchildren.  A second lesson learned related to family meetings is that it is best to use 3rd party facilitators to help plan and host these meetings.  Based on family history and dynamics, it is too difficult for a family member to be the primary facilitator and communicator.  It is much more effective to have outside advisors (financial advisors, family coaches, legal advisors etc.) who are familiar and have relationship with the family to facilitate key components of the meetings especially when it comes to more challenging and sensitive topics like money and family values.  If we are truly about godly Heritage and Legacy, we must understand that our role is to help equip the next generations to grow and mature into what God has for their family unit and Heritage.  Our goal and role should be to ensure that they have a meaningful voice and seat at the table so they can be heard. 

God promises us that if we live our lives with God’s values, He will bless our descendants up to a thousand generations.  “Know therefore that the Lord God is God; He is the faithful God, keeping His covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love Him and keep His commandments.” Deuteronomy 7:9 What an amazing and powerful promise of God.  I hope this encourages you toward living on purpose with intentionality to plant seeds for Generational Blessing in your family.  The is the opportunity we have as followers of Christ.

It is surely not easy, but it is worth it!!!

Blessings,
Duane